My New Focus

This is an entry I wrote on March 2, 2017… I began this New Year with the idea of a New Focus. I was able to go 12 days before acting out once again. After that failing, I struggled to get any kind of momentum. I had a zombie like experience on February 10. I […]

September 12, 2011

I will continue to write here at least until my Innergold materials get here. I think by coming here after work instead of the boards helps me to be accountable to myself with my dailies: Boost: Although having the struggles of this addiction is challenging to say the least, once I become stable with my […]

The Last Time…

A lot of time has passed since I last wrote. At that time I had contemplated going to Candeo. I am not saying that was the answer, but I should have done it. As then and now, the results have remained the same for 14 years- I HAD to do something different, but I kept […]

My Confession and new start

Well, this is not th way I had hoped that this weekend would go. I have been here so many times before and to be honest I htink I am getting tired of writing out new plans and analyzing what went wrong once again. I will say this…I have made not visiting the boards my […]

On the Road Again

It has been nearly 2 months since I have written here. I last acted out on December 3, 2009. That was 37 days ago. A lot has changed for me. I have started reading The Enemy Within, which talks about indwelling sin. This has helped me tremendously dealing with temptations. My focus has been more […]

A Change of Focus

October 24 was the last time that I visited NP. That is about 3 weeks. I have had a tremendous shift in focus. October was also the last time that I acted out. At that time, I began to question my focus. My focus has been all about P. I knew that this is not God’s […]

Saga of leaving the boards

I locked my journal nearly one week ago and did  not visit for about 3 days- but now I am back to visiting daily. It is sucking me in again even without my journal. In my last post here I wrote that when I felt the desire to log into the boards that I would […]


Today marks 50 days since I last acted out. I have locked my journal on NP and plan on not visiting at least until Nov 23 to complete my 100 days.   I would like to talk a little bit about addiction. 50 days is good progress for me, but I have been here before- […]

Post from Journal at NP

As I think about my recovery attempts over the past decade, I am seeing now that I am having a bit of a paradigm shift. When I began, it was all about stopping the behaviors and then counting up those days that I did not act out. Everything centered around stopping the behaviors. I thought […]

Still at that place

I had a really great day today- work was excellent, I even worked 8 hours. However, for whatever reason, on the way home from work, I had decided that I would use porn- which I did on a couple of occassions.   Nothing from what I wrote yesterday has changed for me, but I would […]